Moments

I don’t know why every now and then I have the urge to blog.  I think it is like cleaning the house.  Stuff mounts up and I do nothing about it until it hits a certain point and then I just have to hoe out.  I think that is the way it is with the clutter that takes up residence in my mind.  It gets to a certain point where it is overflowing and I have to hoe it out.  It doesn’t matter if anyone reads it…I have cleared it out and now have room for more stuff in my brain.  It all has to do with thinking.

One morning I was thinking…and that quite often gets me into trouble.  I was thinking about time.  I was thinking about moments – moments in time.  I seem to do that a lot lately.   I have this habit.  I guess you would call it a habit that I have developed over time.  I celebrate moments of gratitude.  I have done it for years.  I think I got thinking about it this time because I had several reminders.

This most recent thinking began back in April.  Yes, I am a slow thinker.  The Marathon Bombing had gotten a lot of press coverage based on updated investigation findings and the Anniversary of that terrible day.  I remember that day  – I am sure that we all do.  But that day, I remember celebrating a moment of gratitude.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was sitting on the front porch in the peeling white rocking chair.  In the gazing ball I could see my reflection holding a book with a can of diet coke beside me.  There was a hummingbird hovering between the feeder and the plant above my head.  I could actually hear the fluttering of wings and the high-pitched sound he made as he hovered.  It was shortly before 3 o’clock, so the sun was hot and bright - headed beyond the porch.  I knew that the tempo of the day was going to change and the warmth of one of the first really beautiful days of that spring would soon be gone.    I knew that it was almost time to go inside to get my daily dose of Dr. Phil and that after that, the sun would be near setting and it would be time to start supper and do all the other end of the day chores.  In that moment I reminded myself that everything was okay and that in that moment all was good in my world.  I then went inside only to discover that the bombing had taken place.  Although all continued to be good in my little world, the lives of many had been shattered – in that moment.

Another trigger that got me thinking was a quote I received from a friend.  It read:  “Time constricts and flattens, you know.  It’s not evenly weighted.  Certain moments linger in the mind and others disappear.”  Thank you, Jennie.  On the day I received that quote, my daughter in law posted her new job on Face Book.  Before the end of the day, she was posting on the college shooting in Seattle that her paper was covering.  Those moments were not evenly weighted. I was celebrating a gratitude moment for one of my family members, but knew that many were not experiencing a moment of gratitude on that day.  I was reminded that those moments that are negative stay with us longer – some - forever.  I was reminded that although moments of great joy stay with us forever - those small moments are sometimes not remembered or celebrated at all.

I think that my thinking was pushed in the direction of time by the celebration of Alumni Weekend.  How could the Class of 1964 have graduated 50 years ago?  Wasn’t it just a year or so ago?  Seeing many faces from the past and missing the faces of others is a strong reminder of how time marches on.  Many of us had clearly brought good memories along with us to the various events.  Moments that had disappeared for some were remembered by others and were shared with laughter and with tears.  New moments were created to be remembered.

Very recently I received another quote from my friend Jenny.  It read:  “Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life.  Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting and make the most of the moment you’re in right now.”  I need to have that framed.  I am always waiting for something.  That is not a bad thing – IF I remember to make the most of all the moments that come my way.  In that same timeframe, I updated my Face Book Cover.  It read “Three weeks and I AM counting.  My friend Darlene replied that she hoped it would go by fast for me.  Her reply could have been read in different ways.  I know that she meant the time until all of my family members arrive.  I posted back – “and then slow down while they are here”.  The moments leading up to the time that they arrive and the moments that they are here have different weights.   As I plan for Peggy’s 85^th birthday, I think back to her 80^th.   The moments that we are all together in the same place are celebrated the most.  I think about those who were with us that day – and will be with us in spirit on this birthday.

I recently finished a book by an unfamiliar author.  The title was “Watching You” by Michael Robotham.   I found this quote:  “I feel as though I rushed through life, trying to save time, and now I’ve got too much of it.  I want to give it back, do it over, only more slowly.  Remember that the total of a man’s days eventually become a circle not a sum.  And when it’s all over and you’re back where you started, you wish you did it slower”.  The strange thing about thinking about something is that it is like Velcro.  New thoughts keep sticking.  I went to Church the Sunday after finishing that book and our priest used a quote from Mae West.  “You only get one life, but if you do it right, that’s all you need”.  The trick is the same as for all things:  Doing it Right”.

I also know that I am not the only one that practices moments of gratitude.  Yesterday morning I was skimming Face Book and saw the posting of a friend.  It read:  Boring story, you had to see it: last night after dinner I notice two little woodpeckers out at the feeder squabbling away at each other. This morning they are right back at it, only they are hitting each other's beaks and really squabbling away. The funniest part is one turned around and the other one gave it a jab on the backside with its’ beak. As I said, you had to be here. Glad I saw it though.

I am glad you saw it, Holly – and it was not boring.  I saw it through your eyes – and it gave me a moment of gratitude.  In that moment – all was right in our worlds.  I am grateful that you gave me the chance to celebrate it with you!

Curvature of Life

 Curvature of Life

(Buildings curve.  Docks curve.  Why are we surprised that life curves?)

So, Florida was a great place to be this winter. During my last two weeks there, I read four books. As always, I came across quotes in each that were meaningful to me for one reason or another. You probably got sick of seeing them posted on Facebook.  I came across one that I kept going back to. I had trouble determining why I was doing that. It finally hit me that I was dwelling on the particular quote for a variety of reasons. One was history. I had read several books on the concept of time in our lives and had actually blogged about a couple of them. Another was timing... somewhat connected themes, correct?  I came across the quote simultaneously with learning of the sudden death of a teacher that I had worked with a number of years ago in Bellows Falls.   Finally, I think the most significant reason that it kept coming back to me is that it created a conundrum for me. I have polar opposite feelings regarding the quote. With age and the passage of time, I cannot remember which book I found it in, but it reads:

Buildings curve.

“That's what happens to us when tragedy touches us. It fades our colors and takes off our shine. Of course we all know that the world tends toward destruction that everything withers and falls to pieces. But we imagine that there is so much time. When someone we love dies tragically, it's like seeing the curvature of the earth. You always knew it was round, a contained sphere floating in space. But when you see the bend in the horizon line, it changes your perspective on everything.”  I know that we are often surrounded by sadness, but I do not want to believe that it can destroy us.  Being the control freak that I am, (just ask my kids) I do not want to give it the power to do that.

I continued to think about that quote upon arriving home.  A gentleman who sat across from my sister and I on our homeward bound flight was violently ill.  Within days, we were turning green ourselves.  I found myself feeling lousy – which is pretty unusual for me.  I found myself sitting in a chair watching TV….during those brief periods that I was awake.  I am now thinking back on those moments in relationship to the quote – and still finding myself in a conundrum.  I felt like I was about to die, but it really was a short and simple virus.  It reminded me of how I would often use my scale of 1 to 10 analogy to put my thoughts into perspective.  If someone had asked me where I was on that scale that day, I would have said 10.  But I did not have a family member on that missing Malaysian aircraft, so feeling a bit green suddenly slid rapidly down the scale.

To go back to the impact that timing played, it was significant.  Multiple incidents took place that brought this quote back into my mind.   It is so easy to focus on the negative.   My daughter in law covered the helicopter crash in Seattle.  David and I stood at the top of the Space Needle watching helicopters take off and land from that very spot.  Families impacted by both recent aeronautical catastrophes have certainly had their perspectives changed.  The recent mudslide in Seattle was broadcast this morning.  The perspectives of many people will be changed as a result.  How do people survive tragedies of this or any nature move on at all – let alone in a positive way?

I read a thought shared by a young friend who recently experienced the death of her mother.  Someone had shared it with her and she clearly identified with it.   “Grief is a tidal wave that overtakes you, smashes down upon you with unimaginable force, sweeps you up into its darkness, where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces, only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped… Grief will make a new person out of you, if it doesn’t kill you in the making."  I found that bringing me to a new place in my thinking about the original quote.  Thank you for that, Jodi.  It describes the conundrum that I have been feeling using different words.  We must strive to continue to be a new person and a better person based on our experiences

Tragedies – both large and small – change us.  We must not let them kill us.  We must not let them fade our color or dull our shine – those are our strongest assets. 

Kate was home for the weekend and she is a great one to give her poor old mother a good swift kick in the ass.  She told me to shut the television off.  (I really think she just wanted to make sure that I got the corned beef and cabbage cooked.) 

Docks curve.

However, shut it off I did and I began to putter around the house.  I had noticed her bag last night and asked her where she got it.  During my puttering, I noticed it again.  In my first glance, I simply liked the bag.  In my closer look, I noticed that it was filled with quotes. 

When she came downstairs this morning, I asked her if I could borrow her bag.  You would have thought that I had asked for both of her arms and legs.  The look that came over her face was one I wish I could have captured on my camera.  She thought I wanted the bag and she had no idea how she would get all her stuff back to Connecticut.  (Trust me, I am going to check how many bottles of my Mystery of Agatha are missing when her car leaves the driveway.)  I explained that I simply wanted to copy some of the quotes.  Thanks to Kate, for anyone experiencing tragedy of any kind or size, here are the commandments I am going to try and practice this week.  I must remember that it is easy to create a list of quotes – they are nothing but words.  It is what we will do to  put the words into action that will prevent us from fading our colors and dulling our shine.

1.    Successful people replace the words ‘wish’ ‘should’ and ‘try’ with ‘I will’. 

2.    Do one thing a day that scares you.

3.    That which matters the most should never give way to that which matters the least.

4.    Observe a plant before and after watering and relate these benefits to your body and your brain.

5.    A daily hit of athletic induced endorphins gives you the power to make better decisions and helps you to be at peace with yourself and reduces stress. 

6.    Write down your long and short term goals at least four times a year.  Goal setting triggers your subconscious computer.

7.    Creativity is maximized when you are living in the moment.

8.    Life is full of setbacks.  Success is determined by how you handle the setbacks.

9.    Drink fresh water and as much as you can.  Water flushes unwanted toxins from your body and keeps your brain sharp.

10.   Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.  Like yourself more.

Speaking of timing, just as I finished typing the tenth item, my quote for the day came in.

"What really matters is what you do with what you have." ~~   H. G. Wells

How I Spent the Day Before My Birthday!

So, I was not planning on blogging today.  I have things to do, places to go, and people to see…. and miles to go before I sleep.  I need to pack some of my FANTASTIC wardrobe to take to Florida.  BUT!!!!!!!!  Blog I must.  I am pissed!  Those of you who know me well know that when I am pissed it is not pretty.  Well, guess what?  This morning I discovered that it does not matter if I am pissed or not.  I am simply not pretty.  Well, perhaps I am saying that wrong.  This morning I discovered that I AM pretty.  I am pretty old!

Rachel Fischer Spalding, I don’t know who you are, but I can tell you that you are NOT a wise woman.  Why, if you were wise, would you allow an article to be sent to my email address that is titled TOP 10 ITEMS YOU’RE TOO OLD TO WEAR the day before my 67^th birthday?  After reading your article, let me say that you are just lucky that I do not have your email address.  If I did, tomorrow I would send you a picture of me wearing my birthday suit.  Just say’n.

I like to think that I am a fair person…. so let me begin by stating that I agree with some of the things that you say.  There are certain things that I would never wear and certain things that I should do…. but they are not based on my age.  They are based on me and who I am.  I always like to start with the positive……….so,  I will start with your number 3.  I consider the whole article to be a bunch of Number Two, but I digress. 

Number 3:  Costume Shoes (Retail Retirement Age:  Mid-40’s. 

Rachel, I don’t think I wore costume shoes (What are costume shoes anyway?) when I was in my mid-40’s, but it is really hard to remember back that far.  I know I never bought them at Fredrick’s of Hollywood.  I did do the pointed toe thing – that may be why I have trouble remembering.  There is a good possibility that the blood supply to my brain was shut off.  Yeah, I tried the high heels as well, but once those spikes stick in wet grass and you can’t pull those suckers up – you move away from them – in every sense of the word.  I completely understand your point that wearing the right shoes does not mean, “You are giving up glam”. I laugh at the people who laugh at my clogs.  They are glam enough for me.   I also learned from your article that feet lose their fatty cushion as we age, requiring shoes that are more comfortable.  Wish someone had told my feet that.  They clearly are not aware of that fact as they have gone from an 8 ½ to a 10?    I also find it unfair that my feet lose their fatty cushion and my arse does not.  Who can I speak to about that?  Got any articles that you can send me about that, Rachel?

Number 4:  Micro- Mini Skirts:  (Retail Retirement Age:  40)

Rachel – thank you for being kind enough for starting this item off by stating that age appropriate fashion is partially determined by who you are and what you do.  I wish you had been wise enough to keep that thought running through the context of the entire article instead of stating that “Unless you are the Private Dancer herself, get yourself and your teeny skirts to Goodwill.”  That of course got me to wondering. Is that why my friends had my thong framed – so that I could not wear it any more?  Mary Ann, Gail, and Terry – is there something you want to tell me?

Number 5:  Anything Showing Excessive Cleavage (Retail Retirement Age:  50)

Wow!  Rachel, we are on a roll here…and I hate it when my rolls are showing.  Hell, I hate it when other people’s rolls are showing.  It has nothing to do with age or size, I just think that there are times that, as you say:  “We should ban excessive boobage”.  Wish I had know that phraseology when I was working.  When I had to speak with someone about my fear that the girls were going to fall out on my counter, I would often threaten to come in showing my girls in that state. Sometimes that worked.  Hundreds of people are loving this one and thinking that the boob is on the topic of boobs again.

Wow!  Can you tell I am calming down?  Writing for me is truly therapy.  Rachel, we are in agreement on SO many things.  I can promise you that I have never worn a white ribbed cotton tank top as you describe in Number 6.  I never wore one before I turned 40 – nor will I start wearing them now - as I turn 67.  I am a bit confused though.  Everything that you list should be retired by the Retail Age of 50.  HMMM – maybe I will be wearing my birthday suit.  It will make David happy.  Kate – I heard that groan.  Let me clarify.  He will be happy that I spend less money on clothes.

Regarding your Number 7, I have not worn a hair ornament since I was in my early thirties.  I am proud to say that they were very tasteful bows. They held my fake chignon in place.  I think I outgrew the bows by their retail retirement age of 30 and I know that the fake hair had died by then.  Muffy attacked it thinking it was a dead rat.  I never had it replaced. 

Number 9:  Cheap, Unflattering Underwear (Retail Retirement Age: 40)

I am sitting on the fence about this one, but not in my underwear.  Much of my life I have had to listen to people tell me about the importance of underwear.  It had to be clean in case I was in an accident.  Now – and let me be honest here Rachel.  You are not the only one to complain about my underwear.  My daughter tells me that I need to spend money on better underwear.  I understand that it needs to be supportive.  However as you say yourself – it is tacky to have even a hint of your bra strap show…nobody sees the freaking stuff so I am sticking with clean.  I understand that past the age of 30, one's underwear needs to be as supportive as it is sexy.  Hate to break it to you, but when you hit 60, CLEAN trumps everything.  When you are younger, you need clean underwear in case you are IN an accident.  When you are older, you need clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident.  (We will address this again when we touch on the topic of Hobo Bags.)

Speaking of sitting on the fence, I am there on your Number 9 as well.  Loud Accessories.  (Retail Retirement Age:  35)  I am not fond of loud accessories either …unless you are counting my sweaters.  Don’t go there, Rachel or I will break both of your arms and legs.  My shamrocks that light up and my storks that dance in the island breeze are simply not up for discussion here.  Perhaps a new bra will make them look better?  As I re-read that section, I am pleased to see your comment “Only one funky accessory per outfit”.  Guess I am okay then.  As my good friend Sue Cota used to say, “Hey, Cath - I don’t know anyone else who could pull that outfit off”. 

So, Rachel – it may be that we are in agreement about many things – certainly more than I thought.    But, let’s take a look at the things we do not agree on.

Number 1:  Message T-Shirts (Retail Retirement Age:  30)

First of all, I have a couple of questions.  Does that mean that I should have retired my favorite message shirts when I turned 30 or when they did?  Who told you about my family and how do you know that I have a daughter named Kate?  And by the way, my shirt does not read “Team Kate"or "Team Jon”.   It reads Crew Mom. (I do have a really glitzy one that says "Irish Grandma", but I save that for when I go to Japan.   And, yes, I am still wearing that Crew Mom shirt with the stains and the holes and I do not find it desperate.  Well, maybe a little on those days when I sleep in it over my jammies.  You wouldn’t like those either, Rachel.   

And THEN I come to your statement that actually makes me want to scream.  “The 'message - tee'  boom was fueled by Young Hollywood.  It’s mostly a way for people to express frustration and that doesn’t exactly come off as mature.  You want to talk mature.  How the hell old are you anyway?  You think you have LESS frustration when you get old?  I spent half an hour before I started this therapy session looking for one of my favorite t-shirts.  Kate – did you take it?  It was given to me many years ago – thank you Mrs. Shaw – and has a beautiful picture of me giving someone the bird.  I am not talking about the parrot here either!  That was frustration at it’s best.  It was not mature and I was a lot younger then than I am today.  If I find it before I put this sucker to bed, I will insert it – just for you, Rachel – just for you.

Number 2:  Too Trendy Denim (Retail Retirement Age:  35)

Ah, Rach!  You have touched another sore spot.  Kate, does this mean I have to throw my Canadian Tuxedo away?  Come on, Kate!  I got rid of the blue denim dress with the little gingham bow.  You told me to throw it away and I said that I loved it and that I might get into it again some day.  You looked at me and said:  “Even if you do get into it again, don’t you think you are a little old for it?  Damn, I wonder where those little bow shoes are!  Kate, have you been hanging around with Rachel?  If you are as wise as I think you are, you will not make any comments about that denim pantsuit.   I left the jacket in Cancun and only by the Grace of God and a credit card - was I able to find another one like it.   And, if I have a shirt with Mickey Mouse on it…I should burn it?  Cindy Rounds and Penney Muzzey – wanna have a bonfire?   

This section of the article ends with a description of a look that can take me from the PTA meeting to a party. Trust me, regardless of what I wear, I bet I would still look out of place at a PTA meeting.  I bet my mother did in her little red house dress with the white polka dots.  Rachel, you tell me that dark colors will be part of that appropriate look.  WTF?  For years the words “God put the little birds in pink and blue and the elephants in gray.”  Now that I have earned the right to wear red and purple with a feather in my cap, you want me to start wearing black?  Wait a minute – I do wear black.  I wear black a lot.  But I do it because I choose to not because someone thinks I should!

Number 8:  Oversized, Overly-Decorated Hobo Bags:  (Retail Retirement Age:  50)

Oh, Rachel, you must be a baby.  “Avoid these oversized bags with all the bells and whistles…. charms…quilting.  When you come to a certain age, the good news is you are beyond trends.  Try a super-hot-for-fall clutch."

  “Maybe you can’t fit as much in there, but the point of a handbag is to carry your necessities – not your life.”  Let me go back. I said that I would.  This clearly relates to the section on underwear.   When you age, your necessities become your life and my Japanese Depends (Thank you Yoneda and Yamada Families) would not fit in any of the glamorous clutches that I DO have.  And Rachel, I am guessing that you have not spent years as an elementary school teacher.  This oversized, sometimes overly decorated hobo sometimes needed those bags to carry “her life” to school and back each day.   Beyond that, I happen to like some of those bells and whistles, so get over it.

OK – this train wreck is almost over and my underwear is still old and still non-supportive, but still clean.  Towards the end of the article, I found a statement that I may have embroidered on a Tee; I know that Etsty will do it for me.  “Every woman must make her own decisions about when to break the rules.  But what you’re striving for isn’t to look youthful – it’s to look ageless.

Allow me to sum up my humble opinion in a few simple statements.

Young women are constantly being given the wrong messages about the importance of clothes and body image…. if those messages did not destroy us when we were young – you think we are going to give them a second chance?

I do not want to look youthful.  I also do not think I want to look ageless. I know that it is semantics, but I have earned the right to have grown older and to CHOOSE to reflect that in how I look, in what I wear, and in what I do.

When I would make decisions over the years, people would sometimes ask what would happen if it were the wrong decision --- would I get in trouble.  I bumped into an old friend (Thanks, Kurt!) the other day. He remembered that I used to respond:  “What are they going to do to me?  Take away my birthday?”  I am not letting silly words about what I should and should not wear take away my birthday.  I plan to wear whatever I damn please. 

Dear Saint Anthony, please help me find that bird shirt…………….

PS:  Pam Gendron, when you pick yourself up off the floor and wipe away your tears of laughter, wanna go shopping?  Where is Fredrick’s anyway?