Thanks for the book, Jennie Young - wish the pie came with it!

So………….I guess you are never too old to learn something new.  I am taking a three-day class this week – starting tomorrow.  Sometimes I am very good at taking my own advice.  Never let your license run out – they make it very difficult to get it back…so, I will keep on learning.  As part of the class, I had to take an on-line leadership assessment.  They advised me that it would take me approximately 35 minutes.  It didn’t.  It is the first one that I have ever taken that was timed.  You were given no more than 20 seconds for each question.  They did not want the participant to “over” think.  It still did not take me 35 minutes.  Inventories like that become like the old television show ‘Name That Tune’.  I can do it in four notes.  This one gave me the same results as most of the others; they just named the categories differently.

My favorite one that I took a few years ago labeled the categories according to geographical regions – and some of you will remember that I was found to be a Southerner.  I took a lot of heat for that – pardon the pun.  However, that is the one that I have enjoyed the most.  I will say that this newest one was interesting in the fact that it did not give you A label.  I do so HATE labels!  It gave you your five strength areas.  What was even more interesting was that I was so very wrong about what the second step would be.  I made the assumption that it would ask me to identify several weaker areas and create some goals to become stronger in them.  Not so!  Instead, it asked me to reflect on those five areas of strength and create some goals to become stronger in them…

After finishing the assessment and doing the required homework, I felt that I deserved some free reading time.  I chose a book given to me by my brilliant friend Jennie Young.  The title is The Noticer, written by Andy Andrews.    I took more time than I had earned.  I read it from cover to cover.  I then read it again with a highlighter in hand.  This was a great read and it has given me so many things to think about.  However, embedded in the story was another – shall I call it a relationship inventory?  I think I shall, because one of my strengths in the on-line assessment was being a relator.

The wise man in this book was named Jones…not Mr. Jones…just Jones.  If any of you have read The Shack, there are some common threads between the two books.  Hope I do not offend the authors with that statement.  Not to worry, neither of them is on my list of FB Friends – although Jodi Picoult is.  :)  Jones describes relationships as dialects.  He states that there are four major dialects that people use within their relationships, and then he assigns each dialect to a living creature.  Seeing I have owned each of the creatures he uses, I was sure that I could relate to what  he was going to say.

Petie - and Petie did like to be touched.  He admired himself.  He had his own mirror .

A person who speaks the dialect of Quality Time is compared to a Canary.  A canary just wants you to be with them.   “Just be with me.”  It does not matter who is with them – as long as someone is with them.   A canary never notices who gives it food or water – it doesn’t care what you say to it and it does not want to be touched.  It simply wants you to sit and listen to its song. The canary is happiest when they are being admired.    A canary will lose energy and strength – not from a lack of food, but from a lack of attention.

Muffy - although she loved kind words, she exhibited many characteristics of Jones'cat.

He describes some individuals as Puppies.  Puppies feel loved when they hear Spoken Words of Approval.  You use praise and kind words to teach a puppy.  Jones says that nothing is more devastating than words of disapproval spoken in an angry tone of voice.  The friendliest and bravest of puppies will cower and hide when they are treated this way.

Buckwheat or Calico.  Calico was all about physical contact - Buckwheat - not so much.  See why I don't like labels.

People who ‘speak’ the dialect of Physical Contact appreciate the pat on the back, the neck scratch, the belly rub, a hug and a kiss.  People who speak in this dialect can be compared to a Cat.  Cats are almost exclusively creatures of physical contact. They tend to feel most loved when affection is expressed in these ways and sometimes it is the only way they feel loved.  They don’t pay attention to what you say or do. 

And all those months, I thought Goldie did care!

The Goldfish feels loved based purely on Favors and Deeds.  You can’t really touch them.  They don’t seem to hear us if we do talk to them.  They do not need any type of affirmation from anyone around them.  They do not need quality time – in fact they really do not care if you are there or not, they simply want you to feed them and clean the bowl…”and, oh yeah, straighten the castle while you are there.”

That got me thinking about Life in General.  This assessment is really no different than any of the others that I have taken.  It all comes down to who we are and how we interact with those around us.  I have joked that I am a southerner – but that over time, I hope I have learned to walk in all of those regions.  It is important to be able to walk through these four categories as well.

That brought my thinking (perhaps it is good not to “over” think) back to a conversation that I had with my sister a long time ago.  It might have touched a chord with me because I read the book on the anniversary of her death.  She has been gone for 21 years, and the conversation took place about a year before that and it still seems like it was yesterday.  She had just been diagnosed with cancer and we knew that things were not looking good.  In this particular conversation, she apologized to me for not showing me enough affection when I was growing up.  Totally shocked, I asked her what she was talking about.  She said that in our house we never hugged a lot and I must have missed it.  I remember not remembering that I did not get hugged a lot – so we kept talking.  I asked her why she thought I missed it.  She said that I was always hugging my kids – so I must have missed it.  It was at that point that I did not have the words to respond.  How I wish I could go back in time.  I could have used the words from this book.  We all have styles of relating with people.  It does not matter if it is in our families or with our friends or in our workplaces.  We all have relationship styles and we are never going to be surrounded by a group of people who have exactly the same style we do – so we have to learn to relate.  Her perspective in that moment  - when she was wishing that she could go back in time - was that perhaps we did not show each other how much we cared when we were younger.  Well, perhaps we were not huggers growing up on Atkinson Street, so perhaps we weren’t cats all the time, but we knew we were cared for.

Even though I might have been a hugger and there might not have been a lot of hugging going on, I knew that I was loved.  There was always someone paying attention to what I said or did.  Trust me, that I remember.  Our kids played Marco Polo or did competitive dives in the pool and we had to watch them and assign them a score.  God, that got old…but I wish I could do it one more time. 

On Atkinson Street, there was no pool – but there were porches.  I would create curtains on the back porch and act out plays or perform songs and dance routines.  I am sure all of the aunts wanted to get the hook – but they never did.  There was always someone to read to me on one of the front porches or under the butternut tree.

Perhaps this is where Jones’ metaphors should become mixed.  Maybe there were not a lot of cat like behaviors, but all the rest were there.  As I think about it – all of these categories can be good – as long as they are balanced.  I love being a goldfish – sometimes.  I love being around goldfish – sometimes.  And then Jones said something else. 

He said that we should ask ourselves a question every day.  That question is:  “What is it about me that other people would change if they could?”  He is clear that he is not interested in what we would change – but what others would change.    He goes on to say  “I am not asking that you live your life according to the whims of others but that sometimes the perspective of others can be as important as our own perspective and life is all about perspective”.  I am betting that if you were to ask a cat what they would change about a goldfish, they would say that they would like the puppy to be more like them – shades of “Why Can’t a Woman Be More Like a Man” from My Fair Lady.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Doz5w2W-jAY  

Perhaps he has a point.  We should not lead our lives to please others, but we should have recognition and an understanding of their perspective.  Jones knows that life is all about perspective.  But we should know who we are.  I think it would be a better world if we could all have the characteristics of a cat, a canary, a puppy and a goldfish and know when and how to use them.  Of course, that is just  my perspective.

 My favorite comment that Jones makes about perspective is about food – and you know how I love food (Jennie's peach pie, Jennie's peach pie.  It's like a slice of heaven - Jennie's peach pie).  He brings supper to share with one of his new found friends and they eat under the dock where the friend has built himself a shelter.  As they part for the evening, Jones asks his friend what he had for dinner.  He responds that he should know what he had eaten for supper -  they had eaten the same thing.  Sardines and Vienna sausages.  Jones laughs and says that it truly is all about perspective.  “You ate sardines and Vienna sausages in the sand.  I dined on surf and turf with an ocean view.”

 So, Jennie – thanks for the book.  Busy day today.  I am off to buy a couple of his others.  I will not be able to read them until after my class though………damn!

Soooooooooooooo – whose idea was it anyway….

To make those booklets by grade level? 

They were the best.  I learned something.  That is not true.  I learned many things.  The first one – we all know.  If you want to know what people really think of you – ask a kid.  I learned quite a bit about what they think of me while reading those books – and yes, I have read them all.  I was once again amazed at the things that are important to children!  I am sure that some of them will be very familiar to anyone who happens to read this summary of those books.  I laughed and I cried.  There is no way that I can share them all – but I have chosen a few.

It is important to smile at children and to give them hugs.

It is important to say positive things to them.  One young man who spent a great deal of quality time with me wrote:  "Dear Mrs. D.  I remember the day you tried to help me and motivate me to have a good day and I did.  You gave me a loop."  That memory is worth the world to me.

It is important to let them know that you care about them and will work hard to help them solve their problems and keep them safe.

It is important to let them know that you can laugh at yourself.

It is important to make connections for and with children.

It is important to hold children accountable.

Some of the things that were written did not surprise me.  I know that the kids loved the cheers and the singing that we did at the assemblies.

I was touched when many of them remembered standing around the flagpole for memorial celebrations.  I am ashamed of myself for whining about the lost minutes of instructional time on those days.

Now I know that some of the things that they remembered came from the adults around them.  I heard your voices in their thoughts.  I could tell where there was a sentence starter her or some prompting there………….but every now and then there would be a zinger.

One of them had to do with the ladder analogy.  There were several girls who had been at each other for several days.  They were 4^th and 5^th graders.  They had received green sheets – so I went to meet with them.  It was a warm spring day and their tempers were hot and I really was not far behind them.  I finally invited them to walk down the hall and sit at the table at the top of the stairs.  They took turns telling on each other.  She told someone that…. they were looking at me…you know how it goes.

I had said everything in my bag of tricks to them over the year – so I decided to try something different.  I drew a ladder and I asked them if they knew what it was.  They did not say DUH! but I am pretty sure they were thinking it.  I asked them if they knew what the word inference meant.  None of them did – but one of them said that it probably had to do with the word infer.  I said that it did.  She knew what infer meant.  We teased out the meaning of the word inference and I labeled my rather crude drawing as The Ladder of Inference.  I explained that we had learned about it at a class for teachers.  We talked about the fact that they really did not know that someone had been saying something mean about them…but they had inferred it.  They now had to make a choice as to whether they were going to climb that ladder or stay at the bottom and try to work it out.  I explained that I really wanted to climb the ladder and infer that all of them should receive a major and a day of ISS.  I asked them to convince me not to climb that ladder.  After a fairly lively discussion, I sent them back to their respective classes.  I had two thoughts as I made my way back.  One was ‘well that amounted to nothing’ and the second was ‘I know that it will not solve the problem’. 

I was right on one count.  It did not solve the problem.  However, the girls quite often referred to the ladder when we discussed specific incidents that had taken place.  What did knock my socks off was that three of them mentioned the ladder in their memory page.  And that reminds me of another thing I know.  I know that the work we do is seed planting and we never know when the seeds take root.  I was so amazed that the ladder came through in the stories – I hope it stays with them.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to see myself through their eyes.

 

The Party's Over!

“Why did you do all this for me?" he asked. "I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.'  You have been my friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing.”

The culprits!

E.B. White

 (Click on the link below for background music.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOqyygAQSX0 This is a tricky blog to write…first of all because there is no way that I could include all of the pictures!   Thank goodness you can see them all on Facebook.  It also would be tough to top the real yard sale blog.  That was one of the funniest adventures I have had in a long time.  I have neverbeen a yard sale person.  Not as a seller or a buyer.  In my lifetime, I have been to one as a buyer and have helped with three as a seller.   I doubt that you will ever see me participating in one again – in either role.  It was just TOO much fun.

I so wanted to hit the goal of five hundred dollars.  Kate and I knew that we could do it.  One of the things I discovered is that yarding is a form of gambling.   Once on a roll, you become addicted.  When you want to hit that goal…you become risky.  On Saturday night, we knew that we needed to make $70.00 to reach the goal.  I began looking for stuff that we could sell.  I thought about bringing out some of the good stuff, but reason prevailed.  For a short period of time on Saturday, I wore a sticker that advertised me as being for sale for three dollars.  Nobody expressed any interest.  One man asked if we had any antiques.  I pointed to the tag and said:  “Just me”.  Again – no interest – except in David’s truck. 

On Saturday night, I told David that there were beds up in the attic that we will never use again.  He told me that he was going to take them to the dump that Kate said no one would buy them.  I said that made no sense at all.  I had seen some of the stuff that people bought and there was no reason that someone would not come along to take those beds – and if I was wrong, he could take them to the dump after we closed the tent down.  I told him that every thing mounted up – and even five dollars was better than taking t hem to the dump.  I think I may have had a bit of tone in my voice.  The tone was to continue.

My poor sister suggested that we go to Harlow’s for breakfast on Sunday.  She periodically suggests that we have dinner or breakfast out on Sunday to save me from getting dinner.  I could not believe that she wanted to go on this particular Sunday.  There was work to be done and things to be found that might sell.  Kate suggested that if we were not going out to breakfast that I might be willing to stop at Allen Brother’s for cider doughnuts.  Of course I would.  I needed sour cream to go on the baked potatoes that I was going to have with the BBQ beef and pork ribs that I had gotten at Lisai’s for Sunday dinner.  David did not want any doughnuts – so I only bought two for Kate.  (Remember this – there is a point to this part of the story – somewhere).   I saw corn on the cob and asked David if we should get some for dinner.  He said that he did not want any and that we had plenty of food anyway.  I said that Kate might like some – I think I may have bit of tone in my voice.  He bought four ears.  (They are still in the fridge.)

My first clue!

We then proceeded home.  As we turned the corner, I wondered how much stuff Kate had lugged out of the garage.  She and her dad had considerable conversations on Saturday night about how the tables were to be set up and the prices that the remaining junk would go for.  They had a clear plan that would sell all of the remaining items for two prices – thus making it easier to get the tables set up for the last day.  I could see that the tables were set up differently, but there were more than two and there were paper lanterns hanging from the tent.  I am not going to type what I said – but I am betting that most of you who know me can hear the words that came out of my mouth.  Within minutes my sister arrived – mostly to make sure that I had not killed Kate…but she also wanted a doughnut – think back – how many doughnuts did I buy?    She put her hands on her hips and expressed her displeasure about the fact that I had not gotten her a doughnut…………and there was tone in her words.

Thank God it is behind glass!

As the afternoon progressed, everyone’s tone changed.  It was a wonderful opportunity to see many friends – from several different school districts.  It was a reminder of how fast 40 some odd (and some of them have been REALLY odd) have flown by.  They have been good years and it was a wonderful way to celebrate them.  So, Kate – I don’t know why you did it, but I am glad that you did.  I really don’t know how you pulled it off without my knowing it – that is hard to do.  It is my understanding that you told that fact to the world at large.  I hear you told them that I was nosy and that if I had the least inkling that something was going on, I would badger them until I uncovered the whole story.  Where in God’s name did you ever come up with a cockamamie idea such as that?

However cockamamie it was – it was a great afternoon.  As I said many times that day – it was better than any wake.    I was reading one of Anna Quindlen’s books this week and I came across this sentence lead in:  “ “The retirement parties I’ve attended always had an underlying pathos….” I was fortunate enough to have had several parties – and none of them had a sense of underlying pathos – but this one did have the joyous characteristics of an Irish Wake.  If I had been lying there, unable to respond, I would have given us all “ a two thumbs up”. 

It was one of those moments when I realized what a lucky person I am.  I stole another thought from Quindlen’s book:

“When I coach students through essay writing, I invariably give the most able the same direction:  go deeper, go deeper.  In each iteration, reveal more, more of who you truly are, of what you are and of what you really think.  That’s the hallmark of aging, too, that we learn to go deeper, in our friendships, in our family life, in our reflections on how we live and how we face the future.  The reason we develop an equanimity about our lives and ourselves is that we have gone deep into what has real meaning.”

I have had the opportunity to live that.  I have been fortunate enough to live through several ‘iterations’.  In each of them, I have been able to go deeper.  In each of them, I have had the opportunity to come to know and share, and love.

The final thought that I stole from the book is a thought that I thought was mine.  If you do not believe me, ask Mary Ann McDonald.  I shared the thought with her as we were driving home from Maple Avenue one day.  It was shortly after I had shared that this would be my last year.  She asked me how I was doing with it.  She was surprised by my reply.  I told her that I was glad and sad – but most of all, I was worried.  I went on to say that I did not know who I was.  She looked at me like I had two heads.  That is really not surprising – people look at me that way a lot.  But I explained that this was different.  I have always been somebody’s daughter, somebody’s sister, somebody’s mother, somebody’s teacher, somebody’s principal…somebody’s something…but now I was going to have to figure out who I really was. 

Quindlen puts it much more eloquently.  “It’s odd when I think of the arc of my life, from child to young woman to aging adult.  First I was who I was.  Then I didn’t know who I was.  Then I invented someone and became her.  Then I began to like what I’d invented.  And finally I was what I was again.  It turned out that I wasn’t alone in that particular progression.”

…and you know how Paul Harvey used to end his program with ‘and now you know the rest of the story’?  The clincher to this story is that the cat plates sold!  Thank you Jacqui!!!!!  Based on the fact that I know what you are going to do with them, give me a timeline and I will bake the cookies for you!

Thank you one and all to all my forever friends!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOqyygAQSX0!

Yard Sale Moments - (click on the first word for background music)

One lovely gentleman tried to convince Kate to put her signs in different places.

Kate might have done most of the work but Big Dave did the hard work!

What - you think this is a circus tent?

So, did you know that tonight, Saturday, July 7, 2012, will be longer than any other day since January of 2009?  It is true.  I am not making it up.  Saturday night will stretch longer by a second.  Sort of.  It will be longer by a leap second.

I want to make it perfectly clear that this is not because of the yard sale.  That made for an entirely long weekend – and yes, Kate, I know that you did MOST of the work.

Supervising from my retirement chair.  Thanks SAU # 6 Admins.

Saturday night is longer based on a combination of factors including Earth slowing down a bit from the tidal pull of the moon, and an atomic clock that’s a hair too fast.  This means that timekeepers periodically need to synchronize the official atomic clocks, said Daniel Gambis, head of the Earth Orientation Service in Paris that coordinates leap seconds.   And Kate thought that being the coordinator of a yard sale was hard work?   – Can you imagine being the coordinator of leap seconds?  Of course he probably has employees that take direction better than her mother.

My new learning today informed me that the time it takes the Earth to rotate on its axis -- the definition of a day -- is now about two milliseconds longer than it was 100 years ago, said Geoff Chester, spokesman at the U.S. Naval Observatory, keeper of the official U.S. atomic clocks. That’s each day, so it adds up to nearly three-quarters of a second a year.   And they say:  “Time Flies”.  Little did we know how fast.

Well, parts of the weekend did not go by fast – but it went.  And stuff went.  Every time a piece of the Woodard Furniture went, Kate would ask me if I was doing okay with that………..We have had that stuff for a long time.  The boys had the maple table and chairs with toy soldiers painted on them.   That went to a young mother – I hope she will refinish the set and that her children will have many years of use out of them.  The white table and chairs went to a teacher that I know.  They had been Kate’s and at one point in time had Raggedy Ann and Andy painted on them.  When King Louis came to visit, my sister had them scraped down and refinished without the pictures.  Lou was not that impressed, but the cousins used them quite a bit.  The two bookcases went and one of the lamps.  I wish I had taken better pictures.  Kate came in and told me that gentleman purchased the second lamp.  She told him that it was not in the greatest of shape but that it could be refinished.  He told her that it could be – but that it would never be the same as the owner of the company was “no longer around”.  He used to work with the Woodard family and many children in the area enjoyed the beautiful furniture that they made.  All we have left are the toy boxes…maybe next yard sale, right, Kate?

I had it reaffirmed that people are social beings.  There were some that you instantly connected with.  One young woman fell in love with my Teddy Bear Sweater. …and no, that is not one of my famous sweaters.  It is (was) – however – pretty funny.  I wish I had taken a picture of it.  The young lady fell in love with it.  She wanted it badly.  Her mother asked her if she was going to wear it as a dress.  I told her that it was a Mr. Roger’s sweater – and we laughed.  I then introduced myself as Mrs. Rogers – and she then really had to have the sweater.  I explained that I really was not Mrs. Rogers, but that I had bought that sweater to go to a Rosenshontz Concert where I got to introduce the wonderful performers.  They had been to many of those concerts and she remembered losing her Teddy Bear there on the 4^th of July.

Some of the things that went absolutely amazed me.  And the fact that my precious cat plates that I bought for Kate when I like cats amazed me even more.  Finally, one lady bought two.  There are four more left – all holiday designs and with the authorization number on the back.  Kate did not believe that I would be able to locate them on EBay – but locate them I did.  There must have been some other silly people besides me.  They are there – but do not appear to be selling there either…should anyone want to purchase one, send me an email.  I continue to believe that they will be worth big bucks some day.

I am sad to say that most of the coffee pots are still here…. but there is always tomorrow!  However, my two new ones look lovely on the shelf.  Sorry, David.  Sorry about the coffee pots and am sort of sorry that the man believed that your truck was for sale for five dollars.

Tomorrow is the last day of the yard sale – there is a God!  She says that she needs $70.00 to make her goal.  MMMMMMM – 4 cat plates left.  I need four people to touch base with me and I will give them each $17.50…as long as they buy the damn cat plates.

So, I am glad I had an extra leap second today and wish that we could all have more of them.  I wish that all of those leap seconds slowed time down so that we would have more time to enjoy the things that we so often miss.

As the keeper of the atomic clocks said:  “ So today you get an extra second.  Don’t waste it.”  I didn't - did you?

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Lou.  His whole name was Louis Yoneda Davignon.  His grandmother in New Hampshire called him King Louis Yoneda Davignon.  All of her friends would ask her if his name was really King Louis.  Grandma would say:  “No silly.  Of course not.  I just call him that because he was named after a king, he is as handsome as a king, and he is as smart as a king.”  Sometimes Grandma smiles because Lou’s Mama had a wonderful dog named Elvis, but Lou was not named after that King either.  :)

One day, Grandma D told Louis and his Mama and Dada that one of her friends was going to have a baby.  Grandma was excited because she knew that Lou was going to have a baby sister.  Grandma knew that her friend Cory was going to have a baby boy.  Grandma thought it would be a great idea to have a play date for the two babies.  Grandma and Cory laughed because they knew that the two babies lived thousands of miles apart.  Grandma asked Cory if she could hold her baby and hug her baby because she would not get to see Lou’s sister for quite awhile.  Cory said that she could.  (And Grandma does!)

Now remember, King Louis is as smart as a king.  He had a brilliant idea.  King Louis wants to come to New Hampshire again next summer.  He wants to bring his sister, Mana.  He is going to show her the pool. He hopes Grandma has not thrown that funny bathing suit away.  It looked like it was filled with beer cans and made him feel VERY fat…but it helped him to float in the water.  He will teach Mana that she CANNOT poop in the pool! Right, Lou?  

Lou says that if they are really lucky, Grrraaaanddddmaahhhhh and Buta will have a nap and he can teach Mana how to drive the truck.  He says that it is fun to drive down the driveway and scream and wake the grandparents up.  Their faces look SO funny when we do stuff like that!

 

 Lou says that he will show her the hole in the ground and show her how you can drop stones down there.  They make a big splash and sometimes the water comes right up and splashes on your face.  Then grandma has to use her shirt to dry it off.

 

 No matter how long you look down that hole, you can never see your stone again. 

Then, King Louis, being the very wise boy that he is – had a fantastic idea.  He asked Grandma if they could have a play date with that other kid.  Lou said:  “What is that kid’s name anyway?”  Grandma said that his name was Liam.  Lou decided that he would write an invitation for a play date.  Because he is the king, he will be in charge of the plans, but the guests of honor will be Mana and Liam.  Lou was worried that Mana and Liam might not recognize each other, so he decided to put their pictures in the invitation.   See, I told you he was as smart as any king - probably even smarter.  He decided that he would introduce them - even though they live all the way across the world from one another.

King Louis says:  "Mana, meet Liam."  "Liam, meet Mana."

Liam just smiled.  Of course he did.   Liam always smiles.  This time he was thinking.  He looked up at his beautiful mother and thought:  "What makes that kid think that he is the king?  I am the one with the crown on my shirt!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Liam, this is me.  I am Mana's big brother.  I am King Louis Yoneda Davignon.