Looking For Stuff and Finding Myself Along the Way

So, it has been a long time since I have blogged.  I have been thinking about it since early  November.  I keep seeing things that make me continue to think about it…I have kept a log of quotes and thought provokers...but I just have not had the desire to do it…until now.  I am still not sure that I want to and this may never see the light of day.

In mid November, a calendar appeared on face book.  It had a positive act for individuals to perform on each day during the month of December…sort of like a modified Advent Calendar.  When I first looked at it, I really did not pay much attention to it.  Several of my friends then shared it with me and I decided that I would give it a try.  

By the third day, I had become very frustrated with it.  “Open the door for somebody”.  I found myself looking around for someone that I could open the door for.  “Give someone a hug”.  “Tell someone you love them”.  Aren’t those things that we should be doing anyway?   Suddenly, the light dawned over marble head.  I realized why this was bugging me.  When I left Central School, I was somewhat familiar with Responsive Classroom.  I had numerous teachers who were implementing it beautifully.  Prior to joining the Maple Avenue staff, I took a class in it.  When I arrived at Maple Avenue, I discovered that they used Responsive Classroom strategies, but they blended it with a program known as PBIS (Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports).  I had never heard of it in all my years in education.  

I joined the committee that planned the implementation of the program and eventually learned its ins and outs.  As always, it was an interesting process that consisted of lively discussions.  One of the liveliest had to do with what a student had to do to earn a token.  We talked about the fact that we sometimes noticed students looking around to see if anyone was looking at them…and then, they bent over and picked up something that had fallen on the floor.  They did it purposefully because someone was watching - in hopes that they would be rewarded.

That is what this calendar made me think of.  As our discussions continued, we discussed the fact that there are some things that students should just do because they were the right thing to do…. they were the expectation for all.  Then there were things that students did that went ‘above and beyond’…and they did it without looking for a reward of any kind.

I brought that thought process into the calendar.  I changed it.  I took out the things that I thought were meaningless and added others.  I took the numbers off the days.  At the end of each day, I sat and looked at the “big picture” and thought about what my day had been like and was it possible for me to make a truly deserved check mark in any of the boxes.  I had plenty of time to do this because I was passing time until all of my family would begin to arrive home.

After I retired, I read some great books.  Not challenging, just light and entertaining.  Have you read "The Time Keeper"?  It is written by Mitch Albom.  I have read and loved many of his books.  Somehow, I just could not get into the book...it seemed absurd.

A few weeks later, I picked it up again…still it was a no go.  The third time was a charm.   A sentence grabbed me.  "Try to imagine a life without timekeeping."  It went on to say that it would be practically impossible for us to do that.  We are the only creatures who measure time.  Therefore, we alone experience the fear of time running out.

Time is such an overused word and the author focuses on it.  'Waste time’, ‘pass time’, and ‘kill time’. You have heard them all before as well as many others.  Albom says:  "There are as many expressions using the word time as there are minutes in a day...but once there was no word for it, because no one was counting."

Every time I find myself reading a book that really has my attention, I come to a line or a passage and I think that I could have written that.  In “The Timekeeper”, it was the part about filling holes.  Grace was the wife of one of the three main characters in the book.  He was extremely wealthy and wanted to make life as easy as possible for his wife.  He would be very annoyed when Grace would perform menial tasks that could be done by their servants.  Grace could not make him understand that she did these things to fill the holes in her life.

 I could be Grace.  I worked on filling holes leading up to the time when “the fam” aka

“the circus” arrived.  David went to Seattle to spend some time hiking with John.  I spent some time sorting through stuff.  Oh, the things I found that brought back such memories.   I was looking for a picture of the beautiful East School.  This was the item that I was specifically looking for.  I had been invited to have dinner with a group of former kindergarten students and I wanted to bring the picture with me.  It was one of the best evenings of my life and I found bits and pieces of myself in that room.

I found the glass candleholder filled with glass stones engraved with words from the Maple Avenue PTO.  I read every word and found bits and pieces of myself in them.  I found a picture of my entire family that I believe is the only one in existence. I found a picture of myself when I was first hired to be the Principal at CES and   I found a picture of myself in jail…. I hope I celebrated all those moments…. and I certainly found bits and pieces of myself in them.

As I went through this sorting process, so many memories ran through my head. Back in the day, I did not have to worry about filling holes.  Life was busy…especially during the Christmas season.  When our children were small, we tried to teach them that Christmas was not just about getting, but that it was about giving.  We made cupcakes and delivered them to elderly relatives.  We encouraged them to try and do something good every day in honor of the season.  We took great joy in small things, but we tried to incorporate it into everyday living in a natural way, hoping that it would be internalized and practiced throughout their lives.

Based on the fact that our kids are grown and gone now, we have not done those things in years.  This year was different.  I took my sister for a medical appointment right after Christmas.  The doctor asked how our Christmas was.  In unison, we replied:  “Best Ever”!  He asked her why.  She pointed to me and said:  “Her children and grandchildren were home”.  He looked at me and my response was that for eight days all of them were home at the same time.  That does not happen often and it was wonderful.

What I did not tell him was that it was like going back in time and reliving all the things that we used to do when our children were small…back in the day when life left no holes to be filled.

It made me think of one of the first blogs I ever attempted…and I am cheating and have incorporated some of that into this writing.

One of the dialogue statements in “The Time Keeper” that caught my attention was:  "Before you measure the years, you measure the days”.  As time has gone on, I have noticed that years have been measured by big events - marriages, births, illnesses, deaths - significant instances that make your heart stop beating and fill your heart and soul with happiness, love, fear, anger, joy.  Memorable events.  Significant events.

The days go by so fast – have I been forgetting to notice that they are important?  Do I forget that without the days, there are no years?  Do I forget to stop and smell the roses?

I certainly did not forget to do this during this Christmas Season.  I did not forget to celebrate the small events.  I clearly knew that they were important.  I found that ending each day by reflecting on any good – however small - that I might have done, brought me great joy!  I also took great joy in seeing the good that others were doing.

One day I saw a post from one of my little friends from back in the day when I was the Playground Supervisor back in the day.  I was not thinking about the calendar.... I instantaneously sent a response.  Within minutes, I heard the ding.  His response was:  "Catherine, you always make me laugh".  That made me smile.  We did not make each other happy so that we could make a check mark on a paper calendar.... we simply did it because we have shared memories, shared respect, and a shared sense of caring for one another and our families.  When my mixer broke in the midst of pre Christmas baking, a friend offered to drive hers over for me to use…. not to be noticed…simply because she is kind.

The pace of life is so fast!  But I think it was just as fast when my children were young.  I am not sure that I took enough time to just sit back and notice and enjoy.  I have come to learn that there is more to life than increasing speed. Yes, I have learned that lesson well.  When I woke up on my birthday, David had a card for me in the usual place.  I looked at him and said:  “When we said that we would grow old together, I did not think it would go this fast”. 

Maybe that is why I enjoyed having everyone together to celebrate the important things this year…the cookies made for Santa, the reindeer food, the ashes tramped across the carpet, and especially, the two beautiful elves that appeared at the door.   "This year, I discovered that I really do still believe in Santa Claus.  He may not be 

the one that puts the presents under the tree, but his spirit works through us each time we give freely without expectation and each time we spread joy, love, and light."

As I finish reflecting, I will turn to one more quote from “The Timekeeper”.  "It is never too late or too soon.  It is when it is supposed to be.   We mark the minutes that we use, but do we use them wisely? Wisely – to be still, to cherish, to be grateful, to lift, and to be lifted, to love and to be loved. 

‘Let’s all use those minutes wisely.  Let’s not make the minor stuff the major stuff.  Let’s have fun, play games, have family dinners, be kind, do good in our communities when we have the opportunity, show integrity when no one is watching, and above all, love our families fiercely.  At the end of your life this is what will matter to your children and grandchildren.’

In closing, it is important to remember that “if you can be anything, be kind”.  Be kind, not to be noticed.  Be kind because you can be.  The calendar may have ended and my house is pretty quiet, but I keep receiving reminders of the importance of kindness and of celebrating moments. 

They come to me in the oddest of ways.  I might be passing through a tollbooth, sadly taking part of the family to the airport to return to their home…. only to be told that the car in front of you had paid your fee.  I might post a picture of a loom for making potholders on face book…mentioning that I had made them with Louis and Mana last summer.  I might not have remembered that I made them with other people’s children at the playground all those years ago until one of those now grown children responded.  I might not have remembered the night that my work colleagues left dozens of potholders all over my house because they did not like the fact that I used towels as potholders…until you went to lunch with them and received a handmade gift from one of them.  I can still hear the laughter around the table as we remembered that night so many years ago.

Time to go.  It is time to stop and smell the roses.   May 2019 be a wonderful year for all of us.  May we stop to enjoy as many moments and minutes and days as possible.  I will continue to try and be kind, but I have to confess that I am selfish.  There is one reindeer cookie left – and it is hidden.  David, if you touch it, I will find you!  On some dark day when I am struggling to fill the holes, I shall sit quietly and enjoy that cookie and the memories that go with it.