...and then came Lou

As you can see, I have not blogged in a long time.  However, this year was a bloggable year.  Many moons ago, Mayumi and Mike mentioned that they would like to have Lou come to the US to do his Sophomore year.  We immediately said yes - mostly because we thought it would never happen.  When it began to look like it really was going to happen, we began to panic.  We were old!  Would we be able to manage a teenager?  What would we do if it did not work?    What if he was homesick?  What if he hated school?  What would the back up plan be?  We asked ourselves hundreds of questions and finally decided that it was an opportunity that we could not pass up.

Family and friends thought we were crazy.  Some expressed their sentiments up front.  Many waited.  When they saw how well things were going, they admitted that they HAD thought we were crazy, but had  decided to stay silent.  They were happy as they began to see that the experience was a good one.  A few just stepped forward at the very beginning and said:  "You got this"!

It is difficult to put this experience into words.  I think you have to be of a certain age to understand what it was like for us.  I do not think it is a matter of gender.  I don't think it matters if you are a parent or not.  I think it simply is a matter of age.  Growing old is a process.  It involves reinventing yourself over and over.  For me, I have been someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's cousin, someone's spouse, someone's mother, someone's grandmother, someone's friend, someone's colleague.  Each of those roles involved a purpose.  The roles changed periodically as loved ones and jobs came and went.  I would have to ask myself:  "Who am I now and what is my purpose"?  

There comes a time - with age - when it becomes harder to define your purpose.  You wonder if you actually have one.  Your children grow and go.  You can no longer use your job to fill that sad,  empty hole.  Thankfully, there are still the two of us.  We take care of each other and we find things to do, but life changed dramatically for us as the nest became empty.  Family and friends move on...some to new locations and some, because they have not been as fortunate as we have been, are no longer  with us physically.  We have traveled.  We have done fun things, but they were activities without a real purpose.  It is wonderful when everyone is home for those short periods of time - they are never long enough, but even then, I am not sure of my purpose.  Our children are adults and independent...they do not need me for anything.  I wonder if this is what it is what purpose is all about... feeling needed.

I know that a time came when I would wake up early in the morning and lay there  wondering 'what am I going to do to keep busy today'.  How am I going to fill the day.  I would make  a mental list of things that I could or should do.  Sometimes they would get done, sometimes not.  There was nothing really important.  Most of those things did not - in my mind - have a real purpose.  If I did not get it done, it would be there waiting for me the next day...or the next.

...and then came Lou.  

We had to get up in the morning...and I usually beat the alarm.  There was a schedule that had to be followed.  Breakfast had to be ready at a certain time.  We had to be off to school on time, or you would get caught in the car line.  There were things that had to be done before he arrived home.  There was dinner to make - eating real food at the table instead of Healthy Choice or Weight Watchers in front of the TV.  There were conversations that had to be had over dinner...and everyone had to share. 

 

 There was LOTS of school work to be done.  Some for Fall Mountain, some on line from Japan.  English tutoring online with Miss Amanda.  Studying for the SAT's and for another test he will have to take when he goes back to Japan.   Before we  booked a place to stay, we had to make sure that they had good wi-fi so that he could get it done.

He tested out of the English as a Second Language program based on his WIDA scores. WIDA is a summative assessment that is used to ensure that schools are helping their ESOL students achieve English Language Profieiency.  Based on his scores, his teachers recommended that  he take the AAPPL exam and arranged to have him do  that at school. The ACTFL Assessment of Performance toward. Proficiency in Languages (AAPPL) determined him to be a Dual Language Learner - Proficient in both English and Japanese.   He achieved Honor Roll status first semester and High Honors second semester.

 He took Driver's Education.  Both Grandma and Grandpa were too nervous to drive with him for the extra extra practice.  Thank you, Marcia Weil for being his driving coach (and his favorite bus driver).  He did a great job on the written test, but he had to work hard on the road test.   On the second try, he made it.  He was pretty happy!  So were we!!

 

Grandma got to go to Parent Conferences.  It was strange to be sitting on the other side of the table. It was interesting to hear them tell how Lou was doing and it was clear that every one of them went out of their way to meet his needs. KUDOS to FMRHS!  We owe a great deal of gratitude to every person at Fall Mountain who helped Lou succeed during this year.  A special thank you to Mr. Bisson who paved the way as we embarked on this journey.  He is a loss to the school community as he moves to a new position.

We did find some time for fun.  We went bowling with friends. We went to a great Arcade.  Lou even got Grandma to step out of her comfort zone.

We took a friend to see Recycled Percussion.  Lou loved that!  He still would rather study, read, or play video games than do those things, but he did them.

We got to go to the Circus.  This circus was something that I had always wanted to do.  It was great, but it was even more fun to listen to Lou as he tried to tell us that it would be  easier to purchase tickets if we had real phones and why Manchester was really not a big city.

In the fall, we always go to Maine.  We found a small cottage that had a perfect location.  The description clearly stated that the second bedroom was very small, with bunk beds. 

Small does not describe it.  Lou is so tall that his feet hung over the edge of the bed and you could not open the door to get in if you wanted him for something.  I told him how sorry I was and he said that he did not care as long as he could have oysters for dinner.  I could not watch as he ate them, but oysters he had.  He really likes me to try his foods...oysters, NOT!

 

He was quite shocked with at high tide the cottage was 95% surrounded by water.  He wanted to make sure we could get out if we had to.

 

 

For years, we have bought candy for Halloween.  Based on our location, no one comes.  Guess who eats the candy?  This year, the three of us went Trick or Treating.  It truly was a treat!  When it was over, he sat quietly on the front porch.  I asked him what he was thinking and he said that it was a great first American Halloween!

Many years ago, David and I went to Ice Castles.  It was beautiful.  We went this year and it was beautiful in a different way.  We were seeing it through Lou's eyes.  He thought it was pretty funny when Grandma told him she would wait for him at the bottom of one of the huge slides.

Grandma waited and she waited and she waited.  Finally, her phone rang.  Lou wanted to know where she was because he was tired of waiting for her.  The bottom of the slide was in a whole different area than the top of the slide.

 

He was not delighted that we signed up for a bread making lesson at the resort, but he was pretty happy when his loaves were determined to be the best in the group.

 

 

 

He also celebrated his first American Easter.  He was a very good sport and helped Grandma plant jelly beans.  He provided a long dissertation on how it would be impossible for them to grow based on the fact that the sugar would create bacteria which would inhibit growth.  He helped water them faithfully and I do not think he was really surprised that they grew.

 

As I have reflected on this year, I have experienced some guilt.  Age has allowed me to have more time.  I could sit and have breakfast with Lou instead of yelling at everyone to hurry up because I had to get to work.  There were very few days that I did not meet him at the door as he got off the bus from school.

 

Our kids came home to an empty house.  I know that both Buta and I did a lot with our kids, but however much you do, it is never enough.  Even with all the things we have done with Lou, it is not enough.

I will miss checking on him before I go to bed to see if he is asleep.  I will especially miss the nights that he has fallen asleep on top of the covers, and I have gotten to tuck him in like I did when he was five. 

 He does not remember that - or that he would sing me to sleep and tell me the three best things that happened that day and the one thing that was not so good.    I will miss those mornings when he pretended to be asleep when I would go to wake him up and he would jump up to scare me.  I wonder if he will remember some things from his American Experience.

I will miss so many of his funny comments.  I think my two favorites have to do with age.  One day, he told me my hair made me look like Buddha.  Another day, I asked him if it looked like I had stupid written on my forehead.  He said:  "Not stupid, but you do have very deep lines".

I will miss the hugs...especially the ones he gave to Grandpa where he made
him look very short.   

 

I will miss the shoulder rubs...especially the pat on each shoulder to let me know he was done.  

I will miss the way that Lou appreciated things.  I think that as a parent or a grandparent, you feel that it is your purpose to make everyone happy.  It is a bit sad when you finally come to the realization that making everyone happy is not possible.  It was pretty easy to make Lou happy...again, he was the only one I had to think about...Buta is pretty much always happy.  Lou seldom complained.  Well, he really only complained about two things and they both had to do with restaurants.  He did not like our rule about not using the phone in restaurants and he did not like the fact that we did not let him order two meals.  We called him our hungry boy!  But one of the best things about Lou is that he was grateful.  He had to switch beds, he had to ride in cars more than he wanted, he had to stay at the table until the meal was finished, he had to listen to Grandma tell the same story over and over, - but he did those things and showed that he was grateful.

Love you, Lou.  Remember the acronym from Drivers Ed.  SMOG.

Signal - in the real world, not the car, let people know what you need.  Let them know what  you are thinking about.  Let them know what you are feeling.  Let them know that you love them.  Think before you change lanes so that those who love you know where you are headed.

Mirror - in the real world, not the car, use all your mirrors.  Look in all directions and think about what you see and what you feel.  Look carefully and think about what you see.  Use what you see to help you make decisions.  You always want to be aware of what is around you so that you will be safe.

Over the shoulder - in the real world, not the car, look over your shoulder often.  Think about all the things that you have done.  Think about all the experiences that you have had.  Think about all of the memories that you have made.  Use those experiences as you move forward in life.

Go!  In the real world, not the car, GO!  You are on your way.  Keep being the wonderful 'old soul' that you are.  Know that you can do anything - as long as you persevere.  Do not let labels define you.  Labels are only words.  You have persevered this year.  You managed a new home and school in the countryside.  You did not have to wear a uniform and there were girls in your school!  You did not have to ride 40 minutes on a train to school.  There were certainly different smells in the countryside, but you got used to them.  You sat in class and listened even though you did not understand some of the words.  You persevered.   Yes, I know that is one of your vocabulary words from "Night" that we practiced. 

Thank you for the gift of you this year.  Now it is up to Grandma to signal, use mirrors, look over her shoulder, and GO.  She needs to take all the things she learned from you to help her figure out what she (and Buta) will do next.  You always rated your American Experience as a 4.  You said that it could not be a 5 because 5 is perfect and nothing can be perfect.  For me, Lou, it was a 5.  It was perfect!

Bottom line,  I will miss Lou.  The only thing that is making it easier to see him go, is that I can see that he is ready to go.  From the minute Mana and Juna arrived, I began to see that.  He not only was glad to see them, he was glad to "hear" them.  One night at supper, they were chattering in Japanese.  I asked him if he was going to forget all of his English when he got back to Japan.  He thought that I was being grumpy because they were speaking Japanese.  He said:  "Grandma, you have to understand.  They are talking MY language."  In that moment, I knew that even thought I might not be ready, he is. 

I learned a great deal from Lou and his American Experience.  Of all that I learned -  or relearned, the most important is "the greatest of all things is love".  Go well into your future and know that you are loved...to the moon and back.  Know that whatever comes my way in the coming days, months, and years, the timing for this year has been a perfect gift.  It has been more than a bloggable year.  It has been a BEST year. I have felt like Sarah from the Bible, who remained childless until she was 90.  Perhaps, at 78, this was another miracle year.

 I would like to say that I have not regretted our choice for a minute, but I cannot.  In this moment, I regret it deeply, simply because today, I had to give him back.  

I will not complain about the time change this year!

 So, a friend has been nagging at me because I do not blog any more.  I have been ignoring her.  I did get to thinking about something this morning and it caused me to go to my blog site.  WOW!  I was surprised to find that I have not put any thought into writing since 2019.  Consider yourselves lucky!

This will be a short one, but it is pertinent to many of us.  I am writing it because it is especially pertinent to me.  I always whine and complain about the time change in November.  I can see and hear that many of us have been complaining about it.  I have found myself complaining less this year and I have wondered why.  I mentioned it to Buta the other night.  I think that as we have gotten older, our schedule has changed.  Once 5 pm comes, life is usually more regulated.  Supper.  News.  Favorite show.  Sleep.  The later the day, the less I tend to mind the dark.  In addition to the scheduled things I mentioned, I think I tend to be a bit more reflective during that quiet time of the day.

Then, Diedre Dean posted something on Facebook about the Last Quarter of Life.  It starts by stating that many of us are in the last quarter and we wonder how we got there so quickly.  It also states that many are not lucky enough to reach that quarter.  It also reminds those who are not there yet - but that are on their way - to do the things you want.  "Do today what you can."

After I read her post, I began to think about the time change in a different way.  I began to think about how that change connects to life.  I know that I am looking forward to having light in the morning.  I feel better when the day starts that way. I seem to have more energy at the beginning of the day and it tends to wane as the day grows longer.   One could say that many of us feel better in the light of our youth and the light may dim for some of us as the years march on.

However, I am grateful for light at anytime.  Buta sometimes gets a little cranky with me because I have lights everywhere...inside and outside. 

They are on the fireplace, plants, in vases, and especially on my beautiful fichus tree.

I need to remember to be grateful for light - anytime I can get it.  Diedre's post reminded me of that.  Light is beautiful any time we get it.  It - like life - is to be celebrated.  Thank you, Diedre!  I shall not say a negative thing about the time change.  Let there be light!

Looking For Stuff and Finding Myself Along the Way

So, it has been a long time since I have blogged.  I have been thinking about it since early  November.  I keep seeing things that make me continue to think about it…I have kept a log of quotes and thought provokers...but I just have not had the desire to do it…until now.  I am still not sure that I want to and this may never see the light of day.

In mid November, a calendar appeared on face book.  It had a positive act for individuals to perform on each day during the month of December…sort of like a modified Advent Calendar.  When I first looked at it, I really did not pay much attention to it.  Several of my friends then shared it with me and I decided that I would give it a try.  

By the third day, I had become very frustrated with it.  “Open the door for somebody”.  I found myself looking around for someone that I could open the door for.  “Give someone a hug”.  “Tell someone you love them”.  Aren’t those things that we should be doing anyway?   Suddenly, the light dawned over marble head.  I realized why this was bugging me.  When I left Central School, I was somewhat familiar with Responsive Classroom.  I had numerous teachers who were implementing it beautifully.  Prior to joining the Maple Avenue staff, I took a class in it.  When I arrived at Maple Avenue, I discovered that they used Responsive Classroom strategies, but they blended it with a program known as PBIS (Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports).  I had never heard of it in all my years in education.  

I joined the committee that planned the implementation of the program and eventually learned its ins and outs.  As always, it was an interesting process that consisted of lively discussions.  One of the liveliest had to do with what a student had to do to earn a token.  We talked about the fact that we sometimes noticed students looking around to see if anyone was looking at them…and then, they bent over and picked up something that had fallen on the floor.  They did it purposefully because someone was watching - in hopes that they would be rewarded.

That is what this calendar made me think of.  As our discussions continued, we discussed the fact that there are some things that students should just do because they were the right thing to do…. they were the expectation for all.  Then there were things that students did that went ‘above and beyond’…and they did it without looking for a reward of any kind.

I brought that thought process into the calendar.  I changed it.  I took out the things that I thought were meaningless and added others.  I took the numbers off the days.  At the end of each day, I sat and looked at the “big picture” and thought about what my day had been like and was it possible for me to make a truly deserved check mark in any of the boxes.  I had plenty of time to do this because I was passing time until all of my family would begin to arrive home.

After I retired, I read some great books.  Not challenging, just light and entertaining.  Have you read "The Time Keeper"?  It is written by Mitch Albom.  I have read and loved many of his books.  Somehow, I just could not get into the book...it seemed absurd.

A few weeks later, I picked it up again…still it was a no go.  The third time was a charm.   A sentence grabbed me.  "Try to imagine a life without timekeeping."  It went on to say that it would be practically impossible for us to do that.  We are the only creatures who measure time.  Therefore, we alone experience the fear of time running out.

Time is such an overused word and the author focuses on it.  'Waste time’, ‘pass time’, and ‘kill time’. You have heard them all before as well as many others.  Albom says:  "There are as many expressions using the word time as there are minutes in a day...but once there was no word for it, because no one was counting."

Every time I find myself reading a book that really has my attention, I come to a line or a passage and I think that I could have written that.  In “The Timekeeper”, it was the part about filling holes.  Grace was the wife of one of the three main characters in the book.  He was extremely wealthy and wanted to make life as easy as possible for his wife.  He would be very annoyed when Grace would perform menial tasks that could be done by their servants.  Grace could not make him understand that she did these things to fill the holes in her life.

 I could be Grace.  I worked on filling holes leading up to the time when “the fam” aka

“the circus” arrived.  David went to Seattle to spend some time hiking with John.  I spent some time sorting through stuff.  Oh, the things I found that brought back such memories.   I was looking for a picture of the beautiful East School.  This was the item that I was specifically looking for.  I had been invited to have dinner with a group of former kindergarten students and I wanted to bring the picture with me.  It was one of the best evenings of my life and I found bits and pieces of myself in that room.

I found the glass candleholder filled with glass stones engraved with words from the Maple Avenue PTO.  I read every word and found bits and pieces of myself in them.  I found a picture of my entire family that I believe is the only one in existence. I found a picture of myself when I was first hired to be the Principal at CES and   I found a picture of myself in jail…. I hope I celebrated all those moments…. and I certainly found bits and pieces of myself in them.

As I went through this sorting process, so many memories ran through my head. Back in the day, I did not have to worry about filling holes.  Life was busy…especially during the Christmas season.  When our children were small, we tried to teach them that Christmas was not just about getting, but that it was about giving.  We made cupcakes and delivered them to elderly relatives.  We encouraged them to try and do something good every day in honor of the season.  We took great joy in small things, but we tried to incorporate it into everyday living in a natural way, hoping that it would be internalized and practiced throughout their lives.

Based on the fact that our kids are grown and gone now, we have not done those things in years.  This year was different.  I took my sister for a medical appointment right after Christmas.  The doctor asked how our Christmas was.  In unison, we replied:  “Best Ever”!  He asked her why.  She pointed to me and said:  “Her children and grandchildren were home”.  He looked at me and my response was that for eight days all of them were home at the same time.  That does not happen often and it was wonderful.

What I did not tell him was that it was like going back in time and reliving all the things that we used to do when our children were small…back in the day when life left no holes to be filled.

It made me think of one of the first blogs I ever attempted…and I am cheating and have incorporated some of that into this writing.

One of the dialogue statements in “The Time Keeper” that caught my attention was:  "Before you measure the years, you measure the days”.  As time has gone on, I have noticed that years have been measured by big events - marriages, births, illnesses, deaths - significant instances that make your heart stop beating and fill your heart and soul with happiness, love, fear, anger, joy.  Memorable events.  Significant events.

The days go by so fast – have I been forgetting to notice that they are important?  Do I forget that without the days, there are no years?  Do I forget to stop and smell the roses?

I certainly did not forget to do this during this Christmas Season.  I did not forget to celebrate the small events.  I clearly knew that they were important.  I found that ending each day by reflecting on any good – however small - that I might have done, brought me great joy!  I also took great joy in seeing the good that others were doing.

One day I saw a post from one of my little friends from back in the day when I was the Playground Supervisor back in the day.  I was not thinking about the calendar.... I instantaneously sent a response.  Within minutes, I heard the ding.  His response was:  "Catherine, you always make me laugh".  That made me smile.  We did not make each other happy so that we could make a check mark on a paper calendar.... we simply did it because we have shared memories, shared respect, and a shared sense of caring for one another and our families.  When my mixer broke in the midst of pre Christmas baking, a friend offered to drive hers over for me to use…. not to be noticed…simply because she is kind.

The pace of life is so fast!  But I think it was just as fast when my children were young.  I am not sure that I took enough time to just sit back and notice and enjoy.  I have come to learn that there is more to life than increasing speed. Yes, I have learned that lesson well.  When I woke up on my birthday, David had a card for me in the usual place.  I looked at him and said:  “When we said that we would grow old together, I did not think it would go this fast”. 

Maybe that is why I enjoyed having everyone together to celebrate the important things this year…the cookies made for Santa, the reindeer food, the ashes tramped across the carpet, and especially, the two beautiful elves that appeared at the door.   "This year, I discovered that I really do still believe in Santa Claus.  He may not be 

the one that puts the presents under the tree, but his spirit works through us each time we give freely without expectation and each time we spread joy, love, and light."

As I finish reflecting, I will turn to one more quote from “The Timekeeper”.  "It is never too late or too soon.  It is when it is supposed to be.   We mark the minutes that we use, but do we use them wisely? Wisely – to be still, to cherish, to be grateful, to lift, and to be lifted, to love and to be loved. 

‘Let’s all use those minutes wisely.  Let’s not make the minor stuff the major stuff.  Let’s have fun, play games, have family dinners, be kind, do good in our communities when we have the opportunity, show integrity when no one is watching, and above all, love our families fiercely.  At the end of your life this is what will matter to your children and grandchildren.’

In closing, it is important to remember that “if you can be anything, be kind”.  Be kind, not to be noticed.  Be kind because you can be.  The calendar may have ended and my house is pretty quiet, but I keep receiving reminders of the importance of kindness and of celebrating moments. 

They come to me in the oddest of ways.  I might be passing through a tollbooth, sadly taking part of the family to the airport to return to their home…. only to be told that the car in front of you had paid your fee.  I might post a picture of a loom for making potholders on face book…mentioning that I had made them with Louis and Mana last summer.  I might not have remembered that I made them with other people’s children at the playground all those years ago until one of those now grown children responded.  I might not have remembered the night that my work colleagues left dozens of potholders all over my house because they did not like the fact that I used towels as potholders…until you went to lunch with them and received a handmade gift from one of them.  I can still hear the laughter around the table as we remembered that night so many years ago.

Time to go.  It is time to stop and smell the roses.   May 2019 be a wonderful year for all of us.  May we stop to enjoy as many moments and minutes and days as possible.  I will continue to try and be kind, but I have to confess that I am selfish.  There is one reindeer cookie left – and it is hidden.  David, if you touch it, I will find you!  On some dark day when I am struggling to fill the holes, I shall sit quietly and enjoy that cookie and the memories that go with it.

We Can Choose How We Look at Things

Got Kids?

If you do, you will understand my thinking.  I know that mine love me…at least I think that they do.  However, they do not like my taste, they do not like my style – or lack thereof.  I can give hundreds of examples of this, but I have been smiling about one particular example for months now.  It took place at Christmas.  John and Kate were home. Therefore, no blame can be placed on Mike for this one. 

I had nothing to do with it!

 

 And Kate – for the most part – was innocent.  She had a good chuckle and of course agreed with her brother…but he is the one that started it.

When David retired, I bought him a sign. 

 

It reads:  Life Gets Better”.  I loved the sign and that is how I choose gifts for people.    If I like it – it’s theirs!  Plus, I knew that I would be looking at it – hopefully for many years.  I had moved the sign so that we could have a fire in the fireplace.  That may be the reason that it caught John’s attention.  He pointed out that it was not a very positive saying.  I gave him the look.  He laughed and told me to think about it… and think about it I did.

Think about it, Mom!

What John said!

I still love that sign.  Every time I look at it, I think of that day.  And how we look at things is what really matters.

Semantically, (now that I have thought about it) I understand that it can be read in two different ways.  One might read it and choose to think that the owner was complaining about the life they had experienced so far.  Another might read it differently.  It is a matter of choice.  As with all things lately, I think about things in relation to age and where I am in life.  To me, that sign reminds me that every day that I wake up is a day in which life can get better – if I choose to make it better.

Periodically, I remind myself to pick up my copy of Simple Abundance and read it daily.  I chose to do that after the holidays and I came across the following words.  There are certain days that seem perfect.  “You want to spray a fixative on the whole day and keep it forever”.  I am very greedy.  I want more.  I want that quote to be the norm, but I choose to see how many days I can make even better than the one that went before. 

I know from talking with friends that we all experience these thoughts as we age.  We talk about it.  We read about it.  We think about it.  Wee whine about it…and sometimes, we even cry about it.

Recently, I came across the book Lydia’s Party by Margaret Hawkins.  It was a slow starter…. but it got better.  Keep in mind that I am an easy reader – some would call me a trashy reader.  I stay away from the deep subjects.  However, although an easy read, Lydia’s Party raised subjects that we all think about as we age.  It was sad and joyful – just like the lives that we all experience from day to day. It all comes down to how we look at those days and how we choose to use them.

The book was prefaced with a quote from Carl Jung.  “We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.”  Now who am I to disagree with Jung and I know that there is some truth to these words.  However, I do have the choice to make my ‘evening’ as great as my ‘morning’.  In fact, I choose to make it even better.  No lie!  I find that life is like the weather – and around here the weather has not been that great of late.  It has been foggy and cool in the morning – at best.  There have been brief bursts of beautiful sunlight followed by the chilly darkness.  Not only do I appreciate whatever warmth of the sun that I am given, I have chosen to conscientiously be more appreciative of the beautiful nighttime sky that I see from the hot tub. 

Early on in the book I read the following words.  “Mostly she didn’t mind it, this softening.  She liked the blunting effect of aging; the way things that once seemed so important had revealed themselves not to be – or not to be any longer.  She liked knowing that so much difficult terrain was behind her, in the rearview mirror and shrinking fast.  And she liked the accumulations – things, traditions, people, contrasting layers of friends and routines.  She told herself that it was just a particular version of her body that she missed, though she knew it was more than that.  What she really missed was the feeling that she used to have was that anything was still possible.”

The  ‘take away’, the kernel of those words for me is the liking of accumulations.  I love my traditions and routines – even the kinky sign. Lydia loved her yearly parties with her circle of friends.  Like Lydia, I love seeing family and friends. 

I love the lunches and the dinners and the ice creams and the coffees and the time spent around our marred dining room table.  More than those things…I love the people that share them with me who are my family by blood or by choice.

Seeing family is actually one of the reasons that I pushed the button on this blog today.  Yesterday, I got to spend time with some of the younger Kelly offspring – from the Bresland Branch - ones that I have not seen for too long.  We were together by choice, not because someone died…. why do people choose to wait for a reason like that. 

It was a great day – one of those that some would want to spray fixative on and keep it forever.  We had good food prepared by all.  We all shared laughs and memories – many happy and some sad. We watched the multitude of birds feeding in the front yard, the beautiful black horses galloping across the field, and marveled at the fox that came quite close to the house as if he wanted to join the party.

We talked about all the houses we lived in (including the now lost McAuliffe homestead) and the neighbors that we had.  We remembered how we played outside until it was dark and used to sneak into the casket company to hide and play some more. 

All of us seemed to share some adventures on what we fondly called Kimball hill.  All involved grapevines, bikes, sleds, and many minor injuries.  We talked the different foods that Jo Jo, Aunt Polly, and my mother made. Funny…none of us remembered Nellie cooking much!   



                    

We talked about the times that we would fill the steps on the cottage at the lake and I was amazed at how many the “youngers” remembered.  They did not remember Uncle Mike.  He would have been gone long before they came along, but I remembered how he always brought me a heart shaped box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day.  We laughed over names.  They remembered Tookie – but for the life of them, they could not come up with her real name.  They all remembered Bubba, but again wondered where the name came from.  Sue Cray Durham posted on the picture:  “I should have been there”.  Through conversation – she was.  I wonder if her ears were burning.  Peggy shared the fun we had going to Anna Mae’s 90^th Birthday Party and how she received a box of rocks as a present.  One of the girls had seen Brigid McAuliffe and said that she looked exactly the same except taller.  We talked about the “Beverly’s” and how that is the only family tree branch that I have not been able to locate.  It was just a good day to remember the past that we shared.

 













I want to keep all the memories from the past forever, but I do not always want to look in that rear view mirror only.  I want to remember to look in all the mirrors.  What I see in the rear view mirror was so filled with the rich experiences of growing up in a large extended family has and will continue to help me make better choices as I glance into the mirror that lies in front of me.

I have – with age- learned that it truly is important to look in all the mirrors - to look through all the lenses.   This allows us to know and understand that anything we choose to do is still possible.  The most important thing is to choose how we look at things.

Moments

I don’t know why every now and then I have the urge to blog.  I think it is like cleaning the house.  Stuff mounts up and I do nothing about it until it hits a certain point and then I just have to hoe out.  I think that is the way it is with the clutter that takes up residence in my mind.  It gets to a certain point where it is overflowing and I have to hoe it out.  It doesn’t matter if anyone reads it…I have cleared it out and now have room for more stuff in my brain.  It all has to do with thinking.

One morning I was thinking…and that quite often gets me into trouble.  I was thinking about time.  I was thinking about moments – moments in time.  I seem to do that a lot lately.   I have this habit.  I guess you would call it a habit that I have developed over time.  I celebrate moments of gratitude.  I have done it for years.  I think I got thinking about it this time because I had several reminders.

This most recent thinking began back in April.  Yes, I am a slow thinker.  The Marathon Bombing had gotten a lot of press coverage based on updated investigation findings and the Anniversary of that terrible day.  I remember that day  – I am sure that we all do.  But that day, I remember celebrating a moment of gratitude.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was sitting on the front porch in the peeling white rocking chair.  In the gazing ball I could see my reflection holding a book with a can of diet coke beside me.  There was a hummingbird hovering between the feeder and the plant above my head.  I could actually hear the fluttering of wings and the high-pitched sound he made as he hovered.  It was shortly before 3 o’clock, so the sun was hot and bright - headed beyond the porch.  I knew that the tempo of the day was going to change and the warmth of one of the first really beautiful days of that spring would soon be gone.    I knew that it was almost time to go inside to get my daily dose of Dr. Phil and that after that, the sun would be near setting and it would be time to start supper and do all the other end of the day chores.  In that moment I reminded myself that everything was okay and that in that moment all was good in my world.  I then went inside only to discover that the bombing had taken place.  Although all continued to be good in my little world, the lives of many had been shattered – in that moment.

Another trigger that got me thinking was a quote I received from a friend.  It read:  “Time constricts and flattens, you know.  It’s not evenly weighted.  Certain moments linger in the mind and others disappear.”  Thank you, Jennie.  On the day I received that quote, my daughter in law posted her new job on Face Book.  Before the end of the day, she was posting on the college shooting in Seattle that her paper was covering.  Those moments were not evenly weighted. I was celebrating a gratitude moment for one of my family members, but knew that many were not experiencing a moment of gratitude on that day.  I was reminded that those moments that are negative stay with us longer – some - forever.  I was reminded that although moments of great joy stay with us forever - those small moments are sometimes not remembered or celebrated at all.

I think that my thinking was pushed in the direction of time by the celebration of Alumni Weekend.  How could the Class of 1964 have graduated 50 years ago?  Wasn’t it just a year or so ago?  Seeing many faces from the past and missing the faces of others is a strong reminder of how time marches on.  Many of us had clearly brought good memories along with us to the various events.  Moments that had disappeared for some were remembered by others and were shared with laughter and with tears.  New moments were created to be remembered.

Very recently I received another quote from my friend Jenny.  It read:  “Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life.  Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting and make the most of the moment you’re in right now.”  I need to have that framed.  I am always waiting for something.  That is not a bad thing – IF I remember to make the most of all the moments that come my way.  In that same timeframe, I updated my Face Book Cover.  It read “Three weeks and I AM counting.  My friend Darlene replied that she hoped it would go by fast for me.  Her reply could have been read in different ways.  I know that she meant the time until all of my family members arrive.  I posted back – “and then slow down while they are here”.  The moments leading up to the time that they arrive and the moments that they are here have different weights.   As I plan for Peggy’s 85^th birthday, I think back to her 80^th.   The moments that we are all together in the same place are celebrated the most.  I think about those who were with us that day – and will be with us in spirit on this birthday.

I recently finished a book by an unfamiliar author.  The title was “Watching You” by Michael Robotham.   I found this quote:  “I feel as though I rushed through life, trying to save time, and now I’ve got too much of it.  I want to give it back, do it over, only more slowly.  Remember that the total of a man’s days eventually become a circle not a sum.  And when it’s all over and you’re back where you started, you wish you did it slower”.  The strange thing about thinking about something is that it is like Velcro.  New thoughts keep sticking.  I went to Church the Sunday after finishing that book and our priest used a quote from Mae West.  “You only get one life, but if you do it right, that’s all you need”.  The trick is the same as for all things:  Doing it Right”.

I also know that I am not the only one that practices moments of gratitude.  Yesterday morning I was skimming Face Book and saw the posting of a friend.  It read:  Boring story, you had to see it: last night after dinner I notice two little woodpeckers out at the feeder squabbling away at each other. This morning they are right back at it, only they are hitting each other's beaks and really squabbling away. The funniest part is one turned around and the other one gave it a jab on the backside with its’ beak. As I said, you had to be here. Glad I saw it though.

I am glad you saw it, Holly – and it was not boring.  I saw it through your eyes – and it gave me a moment of gratitude.  In that moment – all was right in our worlds.  I am grateful that you gave me the chance to celebrate it with you!