...and then came Lou

As you can see, I have not blogged in a long time.  However, this year was a bloggable year.  Many moons ago, Mayumi and Mike mentioned that they would like to have Lou come to the US to do his Sophomore year.  We immediately said yes - mostly because we thought it would never happen.  When it began to look like it really was going to happen, we began to panic.  We were old!  Would we be able to manage a teenager?  What would we do if it did not work?    What if he was homesick?  What if he hated school?  What would the back up plan be?  We asked ourselves hundreds of questions and finally decided that it was an opportunity that we could not pass up.

Family and friends thought we were crazy.  Some expressed their sentiments up front.  Many waited.  When they saw how well things were going, they admitted that they HAD thought we were crazy, but had  decided to stay silent.  They were happy as they began to see that the experience was a good one.  A few just stepped forward at the very beginning and said:  "You got this"!

It is difficult to put this experience into words.  I think you have to be of a certain age to understand what it was like for us.  I do not think it is a matter of gender.  I don't think it matters if you are a parent or not.  I think it simply is a matter of age.  Growing old is a process.  It involves reinventing yourself over and over.  For me, I have been someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's cousin, someone's spouse, someone's mother, someone's grandmother, someone's friend, someone's colleague.  Each of those roles involved a purpose.  The roles changed periodically as loved ones and jobs came and went.  I would have to ask myself:  "Who am I now and what is my purpose"?  

There comes a time - with age - when it becomes harder to define your purpose.  You wonder if you actually have one.  Your children grow and go.  You can no longer use your job to fill that sad,  empty hole.  Thankfully, there are still the two of us.  We take care of each other and we find things to do, but life changed dramatically for us as the nest became empty.  Family and friends move on...some to new locations and some, because they have not been as fortunate as we have been, are no longer  with us physically.  We have traveled.  We have done fun things, but they were activities without a real purpose.  It is wonderful when everyone is home for those short periods of time - they are never long enough, but even then, I am not sure of my purpose.  Our children are adults and independent...they do not need me for anything.  I wonder if this is what it is what purpose is all about... feeling needed.

I know that a time came when I would wake up early in the morning and lay there  wondering 'what am I going to do to keep busy today'.  How am I going to fill the day.  I would make  a mental list of things that I could or should do.  Sometimes they would get done, sometimes not.  There was nothing really important.  Most of those things did not - in my mind - have a real purpose.  If I did not get it done, it would be there waiting for me the next day...or the next.

...and then came Lou.  

We had to get up in the morning...and I usually beat the alarm.  There was a schedule that had to be followed.  Breakfast had to be ready at a certain time.  We had to be off to school on time, or you would get caught in the car line.  There were things that had to be done before he arrived home.  There was dinner to make - eating real food at the table instead of Healthy Choice or Weight Watchers in front of the TV.  There were conversations that had to be had over dinner...and everyone had to share. 

 

 There was LOTS of school work to be done.  Some for Fall Mountain, some on line from Japan.  English tutoring online with Miss Amanda.  Studying for the SAT's and for another test he will have to take when he goes back to Japan.   Before we  booked a place to stay, we had to make sure that they had good wi-fi so that he could get it done.

He tested out of the English as a Second Language program based on his WIDA scores. WIDA is a summative assessment that is used to ensure that schools are helping their ESOL students achieve English Language Profieiency.  Based on his scores, his teachers recommended that  he take the AAPPL exam and arranged to have him do  that at school. The ACTFL Assessment of Performance toward. Proficiency in Languages (AAPPL) determined him to be a Dual Language Learner - Proficient in both English and Japanese.   He achieved Honor Roll status first semester and High Honors second semester.

 He took Driver's Education.  Both Grandma and Grandpa were too nervous to drive with him for the extra extra practice.  Thank you, Marcia Weil for being his driving coach (and his favorite bus driver).  He did a great job on the written test, but he had to work hard on the road test.   On the second try, he made it.  He was pretty happy!  So were we!!

 

Grandma got to go to Parent Conferences.  It was strange to be sitting on the other side of the table. It was interesting to hear them tell how Lou was doing and it was clear that every one of them went out of their way to meet his needs. KUDOS to FMRHS!  We owe a great deal of gratitude to every person at Fall Mountain who helped Lou succeed during this year.  A special thank you to Mr. Bisson who paved the way as we embarked on this journey.  He is a loss to the school community as he moves to a new position.

We did find some time for fun.  We went bowling with friends. We went to a great Arcade.  Lou even got Grandma to step out of her comfort zone.

We took a friend to see Recycled Percussion.  Lou loved that!  He still would rather study, read, or play video games than do those things, but he did them.

We got to go to the Circus.  This circus was something that I had always wanted to do.  It was great, but it was even more fun to listen to Lou as he tried to tell us that it would be  easier to purchase tickets if we had real phones and why Manchester was really not a big city.

In the fall, we always go to Maine.  We found a small cottage that had a perfect location.  The description clearly stated that the second bedroom was very small, with bunk beds. 

Small does not describe it.  Lou is so tall that his feet hung over the edge of the bed and you could not open the door to get in if you wanted him for something.  I told him how sorry I was and he said that he did not care as long as he could have oysters for dinner.  I could not watch as he ate them, but oysters he had.  He really likes me to try his foods...oysters, NOT!

 

He was quite shocked with at high tide the cottage was 95% surrounded by water.  He wanted to make sure we could get out if we had to.

 

 

For years, we have bought candy for Halloween.  Based on our location, no one comes.  Guess who eats the candy?  This year, the three of us went Trick or Treating.  It truly was a treat!  When it was over, he sat quietly on the front porch.  I asked him what he was thinking and he said that it was a great first American Halloween!

Many years ago, David and I went to Ice Castles.  It was beautiful.  We went this year and it was beautiful in a different way.  We were seeing it through Lou's eyes.  He thought it was pretty funny when Grandma told him she would wait for him at the bottom of one of the huge slides.

Grandma waited and she waited and she waited.  Finally, her phone rang.  Lou wanted to know where she was because he was tired of waiting for her.  The bottom of the slide was in a whole different area than the top of the slide.

 

He was not delighted that we signed up for a bread making lesson at the resort, but he was pretty happy when his loaves were determined to be the best in the group.

 

 

 

He also celebrated his first American Easter.  He was a very good sport and helped Grandma plant jelly beans.  He provided a long dissertation on how it would be impossible for them to grow based on the fact that the sugar would create bacteria which would inhibit growth.  He helped water them faithfully and I do not think he was really surprised that they grew.

 

As I have reflected on this year, I have experienced some guilt.  Age has allowed me to have more time.  I could sit and have breakfast with Lou instead of yelling at everyone to hurry up because I had to get to work.  There were very few days that I did not meet him at the door as he got off the bus from school.

 

Our kids came home to an empty house.  I know that both Buta and I did a lot with our kids, but however much you do, it is never enough.  Even with all the things we have done with Lou, it is not enough.

I will miss checking on him before I go to bed to see if he is asleep.  I will especially miss the nights that he has fallen asleep on top of the covers, and I have gotten to tuck him in like I did when he was five. 

 He does not remember that - or that he would sing me to sleep and tell me the three best things that happened that day and the one thing that was not so good.    I will miss those mornings when he pretended to be asleep when I would go to wake him up and he would jump up to scare me.  I wonder if he will remember some things from his American Experience.

I will miss so many of his funny comments.  I think my two favorites have to do with age.  One day, he told me my hair made me look like Buddha.  Another day, I asked him if it looked like I had stupid written on my forehead.  He said:  "Not stupid, but you do have very deep lines".

I will miss the hugs...especially the ones he gave to Grandpa where he made
him look very short.   

 

I will miss the shoulder rubs...especially the pat on each shoulder to let me know he was done.  

I will miss the way that Lou appreciated things.  I think that as a parent or a grandparent, you feel that it is your purpose to make everyone happy.  It is a bit sad when you finally come to the realization that making everyone happy is not possible.  It was pretty easy to make Lou happy...again, he was the only one I had to think about...Buta is pretty much always happy.  Lou seldom complained.  Well, he really only complained about two things and they both had to do with restaurants.  He did not like our rule about not using the phone in restaurants and he did not like the fact that we did not let him order two meals.  We called him our hungry boy!  But one of the best things about Lou is that he was grateful.  He had to switch beds, he had to ride in cars more than he wanted, he had to stay at the table until the meal was finished, he had to listen to Grandma tell the same story over and over, - but he did those things and showed that he was grateful.

Love you, Lou.  Remember the acronym from Drivers Ed.  SMOG.

Signal - in the real world, not the car, let people know what you need.  Let them know what  you are thinking about.  Let them know what you are feeling.  Let them know that you love them.  Think before you change lanes so that those who love you know where you are headed.

Mirror - in the real world, not the car, use all your mirrors.  Look in all directions and think about what you see and what you feel.  Look carefully and think about what you see.  Use what you see to help you make decisions.  You always want to be aware of what is around you so that you will be safe.

Over the shoulder - in the real world, not the car, look over your shoulder often.  Think about all the things that you have done.  Think about all the experiences that you have had.  Think about all of the memories that you have made.  Use those experiences as you move forward in life.

Go!  In the real world, not the car, GO!  You are on your way.  Keep being the wonderful 'old soul' that you are.  Know that you can do anything - as long as you persevere.  Do not let labels define you.  Labels are only words.  You have persevered this year.  You managed a new home and school in the countryside.  You did not have to wear a uniform and there were girls in your school!  You did not have to ride 40 minutes on a train to school.  There were certainly different smells in the countryside, but you got used to them.  You sat in class and listened even though you did not understand some of the words.  You persevered.   Yes, I know that is one of your vocabulary words from "Night" that we practiced. 

Thank you for the gift of you this year.  Now it is up to Grandma to signal, use mirrors, look over her shoulder, and GO.  She needs to take all the things she learned from you to help her figure out what she (and Buta) will do next.  You always rated your American Experience as a 4.  You said that it could not be a 5 because 5 is perfect and nothing can be perfect.  For me, Lou, it was a 5.  It was perfect!

Bottom line,  I will miss Lou.  The only thing that is making it easier to see him go, is that I can see that he is ready to go.  From the minute Mana and Juna arrived, I began to see that.  He not only was glad to see them, he was glad to "hear" them.  One night at supper, they were chattering in Japanese.  I asked him if he was going to forget all of his English when he got back to Japan.  He thought that I was being grumpy because they were speaking Japanese.  He said:  "Grandma, you have to understand.  They are talking MY language."  In that moment, I knew that even thought I might not be ready, he is. 

I learned a great deal from Lou and his American Experience.  Of all that I learned -  or relearned, the most important is "the greatest of all things is love".  Go well into your future and know that you are loved...to the moon and back.  Know that whatever comes my way in the coming days, months, and years, the timing for this year has been a perfect gift.  It has been more than a bloggable year.  It has been a BEST year. I have felt like Sarah from the Bible, who remained childless until she was 90.  Perhaps, at 78, this was another miracle year.

 I would like to say that I have not regretted our choice for a minute, but I cannot.  In this moment, I regret it deeply, simply because today, I had to give him back.